Connecticut

I've written a bit on here about our struggles with our son, who has an autism spectrum disorder. He also has problems with depression and anxiety. And I wonder a lot about how he is going to make it in the world. At 17 years old, he lives with his sister. We have high hopes of him being accepted to a private college with a program for students with Autism for the fall. That will sort him out for a while-- as long as he chooses to go to class. As long as he chooses to turn in his work. As long as he chooses to cooperate. And maybe that will be a long time. Four years even. Maybe he will graduate with a bachelor's degree, get a job and make his own way.

Maybe.

But if not?

I don't know. We are worn out. He can't move back in with us as any kind of long term thing. We still have another child at home. Even when she is grown, there is my sanity to think of.

There are no programs for adults who are mentally ill but intellectually functioning. (If you know of any, please leave a comment!)

Here is the thing: I don't think I am a bad parent. I have a 19 year old daughter who is a junior in college with a full ride scholarship (with a stipend), two part time jobs, and who likes to volunteer. I have a ten year old daughter who is a joy to be around, if she is a little bit hyperactive. I have a stepdaughter whom I helped raise who is a midwife and doula and a devoted church member. I am a teacher. I have students who come back to see me and who cite me as an influence in their lives. I don't feel like a failure as a parent or a mentor.

For the most part.

But I still don't know what to do about my son. I just continue to pray that I never see his name in the news.

And the roll didn't last long...

Instead, I actually worked on my dissertation. A bit. But there are pages and they are not awful. (Maybe.)

I also got W's room completely cleaned out. We painted it and installed new flooring and moved Mea's bed in there. I still have a ways to go before I get Mea's room cleaned out, but now there is a place that she can come over and stay, and I am actually pretty happy about that. This has been a rough semester for her, but she came out on top, with a 3.6 gpa for the semester. And two jobs.

I am up this morning to work on my dissertation, but I have fasting bloodwork in a couple of hours and it is hard to think about important things with an empty stomach, so we have this.

Here is what I have really discovered in the past three months. One, on the internet, how much trust we put in a website is almost completely determined by its appearance. And two, women are nicer to each other online when men aren't around.

I do have something to read on communities of practice, so I guess I should go get it and start working.